5/14/11 Championship Bout Re-Cap with DrAwkward


My oh my, what a home season we had this year, eh? Dramatic comebacks, last-second jams, t-shirts flying everywhere in the arena, the Jazzy Jewels tearing the house down, tiny ninjas running on the track mid-jam, a friggin’ yeti…the 2011 Brewcity Bruisers home season had everything except a name for the championship trophy. UNTIL NOW! One clever fan won a BCB-sponsored contest to name the trophy, and thus, it has been dubbed the “Black and Brew Cup.” 

Now that the trophy has a name, it seemed critically important to give it some history; after all, have you seen the list of people that have taken drinks out of the Stanley Cup? That trophy has serviced the lips of Gordie Howe, JFK and the Roswell aliens. Our trophy needs a reverent history as well! That’s why I went on the Internet before the championship and did some crack research to unearth 

Dr. Awkward’s Black and Brew Cup AWESOME FACTS OF HISTORY

For example, DID YOU KNOW: in 1935, Leo Seltzer presented the original Black and Brew Cup to the winners of his first Transcontinental Roller Derby in Chicago, IL. The winners, Clarice Martin and Bernie McKay, had the cup melted into tin cans out of which to sell depression-era pencils. Seltzer, realizing his mistake, made a new trophy out of an indestructible vibranium-iron alloy. FACTS!

Anyway, you probably want to know who won the bouts and stuff, so here we go with that.

Bout 1: Shevil Knevils 77, Maiden Milwaukee 46

The opening contest on Championship Night is often referred to as a “grudge match,” but with ladies from both teams dancing together during the introductions, the feel was more like a good-natured scrimmage with occasional full-contact hits. Both teams got off to a slow start in the scoring column, with the Shevils leading by a mere 2-0 after three jams. A Super Hera 10-0 jam gave the Maidens their first lead at 10-2, but Grace Killy immediately responded with nine of the 13 points she needed to hit 300 for her career (she reached that milestone in the second half) to put the Shevils back up by one. Candy Acid and Skittle nickeled and dimed their way to a 17-11 Shevil lead before a major track cut by Maidens captain and jammer Betty Clobber gave Bloody Cupcake the power jam opening she needed to break things open for the red, white, & blue, adding 13 points to make it 30-11. From there, the Shevils began to play an early game of Kill the Clock, content to pick up a point here or there before calling off their jams. After the last jam of the half, there were 29 seconds remaining on the period clock; rather than calling a time out in order to guarantee one more jam, both teams opted to let the period clock expire one tick before the 30-second countdown to the next jam. The Maidens had some work ahead of them at halftime, as they went to the back facing a 34-18 deficit.

Dr. Awkward’s Black and Brew Cup AWESOME FACTS OF HISTORY: This is true: The Cup disappeared for 3 years when it was lost in the great Roller Derby Bus Crash of 1937 outside Salem, IL that killed 18 rollergirls. For the next several years its legend grew, as roller derby devotees worldwide claimed to see visions of the trophy in such locations as Mexico City, Mexico; Fatima, Portugal; and Tunguska, Siberia, before re-emerging in 1940 as the trophy of the Brewcity Bruisers Old-Tyme Roller-Skate Derby and Full Contact Polka Marathon.  

Rejected Seoul kicked off the second half of the “friendly” (as they say in futbol) in a blonde wig next to opposing jammer Skittle, claiming to be Red no.5’s doppelganger. Rejected Skittle! Which was original flavor and which was sour? We weren’t sure, but the Shevil’s version of the Chased Rainbow came out ahead with a 4-0 jam to extend the lead to 20. From there, it was pretty much all Shevils, as they took lead jammer status in nine of the first ten jams and built up an insurmountable 67-33 lead. Even when the Maidens managed to rebound and take lead status in four of the next five jams, they couldn’t stop the Shevils from adding points. Finally, time simply ran out on the Maidens’ season, as the pink and black ended a winless season with a 77-46 defeat. While the Shevils finished with a 3-2 record and were one HighD Voltage jam away from their second consecutive championship bout, Maiden Milwaukee will look to the offseason draft for help in 2012.

Bout 2: Black and Brew Cup CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL: Crazy 8s 122, Rushin’ Rollettes 42

Did you know? In 2006, the first year of the Brewcity Bruisers’ modern revival, Servin’ Justice dented the Black and Brew Cup by smashing it over the heads of no less than six Rushin’ Rollettes in the championship bout. From then on the league adopted a more traditional WFTDA ruleset, which specifically bans blockers from bringing weapons onto the track. TRUE STUFF.

The last time the Crazy 8s faced the Rushin’ Rollettes in a championship contest, the reds emerged victorious over the ninjas in a nailbiter. Things were definitely different this time as members of both teams attempted to become the first skaters to threepeat in BCB history (Crazy 8 blockers Fidela Castrate and Pound Anya were members of the championship Rollette teams of the past two years). 

Rollette jammer T-Lo got her team in trouble right off the bat by getting called for a major track cut in the opening jam, allowing the 8s’ Zo-Tay to zip around the track and put up 17 points on four scoring passes. T-Lo’s penalty time also bled into the second jam, which Scooter used to her advantage to tack on another eight and immediately put the Rollettes in a 25-3 hole. However, turnaround was fair play in jam four, as Zo-Tay was banished to the thinking chair for a track cut of her own, allowing Carrie A. Hacksaw to close the gap with a quick 14-point jam that made the score 25-17. Rhoda Ruin tacked on 4 more for the Rollettes in the next jam, and suddenly we had a game at 25-21. However, the Rollettes got shut out of lead jammer status for the next four jams and were also unable to score. Meanwhile, the 8s piled on. Ninja jammer EmFatale, locked in a close race with Zo-Tay for the league’s scoring title (the third contender for the scoring title, HighD Voltage, was in Denver at a derby clinic and unable to compete in the championship—a huge blow to the Rollettes), capitalized on opposing jammer Hacksaw’s equipment issues (she had to leave the track, possibly due to a bum skate) to outscore her 14-0. Scooter took advantage of still more Rollette penalties in the next jam, including jammer Sister Warrior’s track cut, and tacked on another 10-0 outburst. Hacksaw made it back onto the track for jam 10 and added the only 4 points the Rollettes would score for the rest of the half. As the period clock hit zero, the 8s were sitting pretty with a 66-25 lead.

OK, this is the last time I’m going to annoy you with this, I swear: In 2008, The Sea Hag drank five cans of Four Loko out of the Black and Brew Cup on a dare, causing her to go on a drunken rampage, destroying half the town of Sturtevant, WI. This eventually led to the FDA banning caffeine, ginseng and taurine from so-called “alcoholic energy drinks.” OK I’M DONE.

As several bouts this season have taught us, not even a 66-25 lead can be considered “safe,” especially when the Shevils rebounded from a similar deficit earlier in the season to stun the 8s. As half #2 opened, the Rollettes showed some brief signs of life and led the crowd to think that maybe another comeback was in order, as they took the first three lead jams and went on an 8-0 run. However, the 8s came right back with an 8-0 run of their own in the next three jams, and from there, the Rollettes couldn’t close the gap.

All season long, the Crazy 8s subscribed to what I call the “1990s Dallas Cowboys Offensive Line” game plan—put enough big, bruising bodies out there to block for your jammer, and any one of them could be Emmitt Smith. Combine the brawn factor with excellent pack management and penalty-killing skills, and it’s a hard combination to overcome. Battlestars coach Jodeelicious said after the bout, “It’s a blocker’s world,” and the 8s made a strong defense of his thesis all season.

By the last two jams of the bout, the score was 93-40, but the Rollettes didn’t quit. Nysassin, jamming for the first time all bout, got trapped in back of the pack and in a frustrated huff, passed her star to pivot Jailhouse Roxie, who was similarly shut down while Zo-Tay tacked on yet another 14. (Zo-Tay finished with 52 points while EmFatale scored 24, giving Zo-Tay the league scoring title with 151 total season points.) When T-Lo went to the box with 20 seconds left on the penalty clock, 8s jammer Latina Heat opted to not call off the jam, letting the jam clock run down while racking up another 15 and officially making the final score an 80-point 8s slaughter. (NOTE: I totally take responsibility for saying on mic, “and with 15 seconds left on the period clock, that’s pretty much it,” which caused the ninja mascots to run onto the track while there was still jam time on the clock. Um, oops. My bad.)

And so, the Rollettes’ bid to threepeat comes up short, while the Crazy 8s take home the Black and Brew Cup for the second time in team history (enabling Fidela Castrate and Pound Anya to become the only two skaters in league history to threepeat!). What a season, huh? If you’re sitting there thinking “well, I’m done with roller derby until next January,” HOLD THE EFF ON, NUTLEY! It’s time for the Brewcity Bruisers’ travel season, where the league All-Stars will take on the best from cities across the country! Be sure to head to the Milwaukee County Sports Complex in Franklin on June 25 and August 13. Real roller derby fans know that things are just getting heated up, so get psyched and we’ll see you in Franklin! 

Pictures courtesy of Moosie

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